Logan's Story, 32 Weeks

Miracle Mum, Candace shares how powerless and alone she felt during her NICU journey. But was in awe at the amount of strength she saw in her baby.

"My waters broke spontaneously at home at 32+4 weeks pregnant. Shortly after, contractions started and they came fast and strong. In a mad rush to the hospital whilst also freaking out thinking “it’s way too early, this can’t be real, I just want my baby to be ok” we made it there and were immediately put into a birthing suite.

Within what was probably 2 hours I was having close contractions that were becoming unbearable, I was being spoken to about steroid injections, antibiotics, what was going to happen to my baby after he was born, I was being overloaded with medical terms and possible complications when I envisioned a nice calm birth. I couldn’t leave the bed due to being monitored, I didn’t want to labour like this, this was nothing like I imagined it would be.

We got to the hospital at about midnight and by 7am I was fully dilated ready to push. One of the doctors suggested we wait a bit for baby to make his way down naturally. 9am rolled around and they told me I could start pushing. I pushed for 5 hours, Logan arrived at 2pm. I was previously told I wouldn’t have my baby placed on my chest after delivery and that he’d need to be sent up to special care straight away, however he came out crying and breathing perfectly so I got that moment I’d always dreamed of. Logan was then sent off and I didn’t see him until 4 hours later.

The next 4 weeks in hospital were probably one of the most traumatic times in my life. Logan was treated for jaundice, apnoea’s, temperature instability, he had ultrasounds, bloodwork done daily, his poor little foot was a pin cushion. Cuddles were limited, I was told when I’d be able to hold my baby, when to feed him, when to change him. I had control over nothing. I recovered from birth on a pull out bed in the hospital room because I couldn’t bare bear to leave my baby. Anytime I went home for more clothes I felt sick to my stomach. I felt vulnerable, lonely, guilty, and heartbroken that this was how my baby had to spend the first 4 weeks of his life.

Having a preemie baby is something I believe you don’t understand unless you live through it, I used to think it was nothing until it happened to us. There is nothing like the absolute fear you feel when the health of your baby is uncertain.

Fast forward to now and Logan is a perfectly healthy 4 month old baby. I’ve never witnessed strength like this before. He is so little but he is such a fighter. Despite all the challenges he has faced he has overcome them all."

Thank you Candace for sharing your story.

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