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Evidence

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1355184123000340

Vincent O. Mancini

Contemporary NICU care models emphasize that parents are crucial to their baby's development. Fathers have an important, but often underutilized, role during a NICU stay.

Direct ways fathers help include kangaroo care (skin-to-skin contact), speaking and reading to the infant, touching (tactile stimulation), and using their scent. Indirectly, fathers support by helping the mother, sharing responsibilities so mothers can spend time with the baby, and through financial and emotional support.

Education

As a dad, it is expected that you will experience a range of emotions surrounding the birth of your baby. If your baby or partner requires ongoing medical care, some dads may find the experience challenging, especially as this is unlikely to be how you envisioned fatherhood to be.

View '5 Tips to Support Fathers in the NICU'

The birth of a premature or sick newborn can be especially hard for dads. You may be worried about your baby and partner and feel frustrated and helpless that you can’t do more, while also trying to juggle work commitments and perhaps looking after other children at home. After the birth of a premature or sick newborn, you can be torn between duties of the real world and that of the new NICU world. The real-world problems like finances, work commitments, your partners health and the care of any existing childcare commitments. Then the NICU world where you are ever consumed by the needs of your baby

Carrying fears and concerns on your own can be exhausting and limit your capacity to be the best possible source of support for your baby and your partner.

Implementing strategies that allow you to be the most attentive and supportive father/partner that you can be at this time is crucial. Do not be afraid to ask questions, express your emotions and seek help from your friends, family and professionals who specialise in being able to support new dads throughout their NICU journeys.

You may also find comfort f in other parents in the NICU also going through the same struggles or through peer connections with other parents who are further ahead in their journey.

It is helpful to remember that you are a very important part of the team contributing to the care of your baby and there are many ways in which you can be involved.

Here are some key things to know to help you feel more confident, involved, and supported:

Your presence helps more than you think, even just being there listening to your baby’s breathing, talking softly, holding their hand, doing kangaroo-care (skin to skin)—these small things have big benefits. They help your baby with regulation (temperature, breathing, stress), support bonding and help your baby’s brain development.

It can sometimes feel a bit strange at first, sitting beside your baby in the hospital. Some dads aren’t sure what to do or say and that’s completely normal. One lovely way to connect is by reading children’s books or stories. Your baby can hear your voice and it helps you both get used to talking and bonding, something that will really help when you’re home together.

You have an important role in your baby’s care. You’re not just “visiting” or watching, your part of the team. You can help feed, change nappies, comfort your baby and take part in care routines.

You also have a voice in your baby’s care plan. If something doesn’t feel right, speak up. Ask questions, meet with the doctors, and make sure you understand your baby’s treatment and progress. This approach is called Family Integrated Care (or FICare), which means parents and caregivers work together with the medical team to give the best possible care for your baby.

It’s natural to feel many emotions – both positive and negative – throughout this journey. Emotions such as fear, stress, sadness, guilt, anger, hope, and optimism are completely normal. It’s okay to feel them, because it means you care. Discussing these with your partner, staff, other dads, or someone you trust can help you to not only understand your emotions but may also help others who might be experiencing similar feelings but carrying them alone.

Ask questions about your baby’s condition, what the machines are doing, what care is planned, what you can do. Understanding helps reduce fear. You can ask the nurses to show you how to do care tasks safely. The more you know, the more confident you’ll become.

Empowerment

“It was overwhelming having a baby in intensive care. I wondered if I really understood what was happening, what was it I should be doing or how was I meant to feel? For me it was so far from what was meant to be the 'norm'. Over the months of watching this tiny person grow things slowly settled down. Through the challenges and hard news, we saw our son slowly reach the stage when we could take him home.” - Anthony, Miracle Dad to Caden born at 29 weeks and Eli at 25 weeks.

Here are some ideas to help you feel more in charge of your role, more connected, and more supported during this challenging time:

Speak up for what you want.
If you want to hold your baby, be in on care tasks, visit more, or understand more—tell the staff. Ask “How can I help today?” Sometimes, staff may assume you don’t want to be involved; letting them know changes that.

Set small goals.
Maybe today you hold your baby skin to skin, or you change a nappy. Maybe you talk to the doctors or nurses about one thing you didn’t understand. Small steps build trust and confidence. Don’t jump ahead, it’s hard to see so far ahead when you are down in the trenches. The little wins are important.

Take care of your wellbeing.
You cannot pour from an empty cup. Sleep when you can. Eat. Take short breaks out of the Neonatal unit even if it’s just to breathe fresh air, stretch. Reach out to someone to talk—partner, friend, peer group, counsellor. Try and take time for you and your partner once a week, don’t feel guilty about it. Your baby is getting the care they need.

Connect with other dads.
Hearing what others have gone through can help you feel less alone. Other dads and parents can share tips, ideas, comforting stories. Support groups, online or in person, can be strong allies.

Recognise your impact.
Even when things are hard, your voice, presence, touch all matter. You are contributing to your baby’s health, comfort, and development. Remind yourself of that. Celebrate what you can do.

Useful Links

Post and Antenatal Depression Association (PANDA) 

www.howisdadgoing.org.au

Raising Children

https://raisingchildren.net.au/newborns/premature-babies-sick-babies/premature-birth/non-birthing-parents-dads-premature-birth

MensLine Australia

www.mensline.org.au

Pillars of Strength, NSW

www.pillarsofstrength.com.au 

For When

https://forwhenhelpline.org.au/parent-resources/male-postnatal-depression/

https://forwhenhelpline.org.au/