Bereavement

If you are visiting this section because you have experienced the death of your baby we are very sad for your loss and would like to extend our heartfelt sympathy to you and your family.

Pregnancy loss can occur at any time. You may have had a miscarriage or a stillbirth during pregnancy. Your baby may have died at birth or after birth. Or you may be a grandparent mourning the loss of a much awaited grandchild. No two people experience such a tragic loss in the same way and each is unique. For parents of multiples you may face additional struggles, you may be grieving the loss of more than one baby, different causes of death for each baby, neonatal intensive care, surgeries, decisions on courses of treatment and possibly preparing to bring your surviving baby home.

You may be overwhelmed by your feelings of loss and feel as though no one understands what you are going through. It is important to understand that grief is a natural human response to your loss and that each person has their own way of coping. There isn’t a time frame for grieving and no right or wrong way to grieve, some parents grieve publicly and are open about their loss and feelings while others may keep their emotions hidden. Some overcome their grief quickly and others can take years, it is important to remember that you will grieve the loss of your baby in your own unique way and most will carry on grieving in subtle ways for the rest of their life.

“Our Children Change us...whether they live or not" - Lois McMaster Bujold

During the days, weeks, months and years following the death of your baby you may find great comfort in the memorable moments and experiences with your baby and the keepsakes received around the time of their birth. These memories will play a vital part in dealing with your grief and can often become your greatest comfort. You can create life long memories of your baby in different ways, and the precious time you have together should be about doing what feels right for you and your family.

Here are some ideas of ways to create memories:

Take Photographs
Memories fade over time and having photographs can provide a tangible image of your baby and can help to remember specific details such as mums nose, hair colour and other features.

Take as many photographs as you can, you may like to take photos holding your baby, your baby’s hand and feet, family photo, your baby with their siblings, dressing and bathing your baby, your baby with special items such as a parent’s wedding ring or teddy bear, photos of gifts received

You may also wish to organise a professional photographer. Heartfelt is a volunteer organisation of professional photographers throughout Australia which have networked together to provide complimentary individual or family portrait sessions for families who meet the Heartfelt criteria. Stillbirths (over 22 weeks), critically premature (under 28 weeks) and ill infants in the Neonatal Intensive Care Units of their local hospitals, as well as babies and children with serious and terminal illnesses. You can find you local Heartfelt photographer by visiting http://www.heartfelt.org.au  

Name Your Baby
Naming your baby honours their life and can be very meaningful to many parents and families and allows you to grieve for the little person you have lost.

Hand/Foot Prints & 3D Casts
Many hospitals have ink pads available to take impressions of your baby’s hand and feet. We would encourage you to take a few sets done as other family members such as grandparents may treasure receiving such a personal memento. You can also have 3D moulds taken of your baby’s hand/foot; your hospital should be able to recommend a local contact.

Birth/Memorial Announcements
Many have found these a way to honour their baby and to let others know what has happened.

Bath and Dress Your Baby
You can choose to bath your baby and may have a special outfit for your baby to wear specially chosen by you.

Baby Mementos
Ask for any items of significance to you and your baby such as your baby’s cot card, ID bracelet, tape used to measure their length, nappy, a lock of hair, blood pressure cuff, sats probe, and clothing for your baby

Have a Blessing/Ceremony/Funeral/Memorial Service
Hospitals often have a Priest or Clergy available and you may like to have someone bless your baby. This is also possible once your baby has passed away. Holding a memorial service allows parents, family and friends to honour the life of their baby. Many parents have held a service for a baby from a multiple birth that has passed with a baptism for the surviving baby. Memorial services do not have to be at a funeral home - other options are churches, your own home or that of relatives, or a park.

Journal Writing
You may like to write down information from your baby’s stay in hospital or your thoughts and feelings. Having them written down may help down the track to remember details that may be lost during such an emotional time. Some parents have written poetry and songs about their experiences of loosing a baby.

See, Hold, Touch and Kiss Your Baby
Seeing, touching, and holding your baby creates a special memory of your time spent together. You can spend as much time as you like getting to know your baby, holding hands, stroking their hair, kissing their face. You may wish to be surrounded by family and friends and can invite siblings, grandparents, extended family and friends to meet and share your baby. You can tell your baby how much you love them, your hopes and dreams…

Memorial Tattoo
Many parents find that getting a tattoo is a great way to remember the baby they lost. You may choose to have your babies name, hand or foot print or another meaningful symbol tattooed. A mother and grandmother chose beautiful memorial tattoos for their son/grandson and had his ashes mixed with the tattoo ink.

Plant a Tree or Create a Memorial Garden
Planting a tree or garden in memory of your baby can be a reminder of life and hope. You may have a favourite tree or may choose a species that flower around the time of your baby’s birth. You can place a plaque on your tree of personalise your garden with statues and mementos.

Donate in your Child’s Name
Often the family and friends of a loved one, choose to celebrate their memory in a very special way. We have partnered with Everyday Hero to enable families to easily build their own fundraising webpage to honour their baby and raise funds to support Miracle Babies Foundation. Once the page is created you can then email your friends and family the unique link of your webpage so they can commemorate a special life, by donating to your website.

Create a Memorial Webpage
For the computer savvy you may wish to create an online memorial for your baby such as a blog or there are now even websites that let you create online memorials to share with family and friends.

Meet with a Miracle Babies Foundation Parent Support Volunteer
Miracle Babies Foundation has Parent Support Volunteers that too have experienced the loss of their precious children. Our volunteers are here to provide support, listen, cry with and provide hope

Financial Assistance
Financial assistance may be available in some circumstances from the Family Assistance Office. The Baby Bonus is paid to families following the birth of a baby, including stillborn babies and is payable for each child in a multiple birth. You may also be able to claim additional benefits if your baby was born live but dies shortly afterwards.

What is
Part of us
For however long
Is us
And will
Forever be.
Unknown