Understanding Your Feelings

If you have experienced the birth of a premature or sick newborn, you may know first hand how overwhelming and traumatic an experience it can be. Watching your baby struggle for life brings inconceivable highs and lows and can be an extremely difficult time for parents, siblings and the extended family.

“The NICU was an onslaught of flashing lights, alarming machines, indecipherable language and living minute by minute. Simply surviving the war zone of NICU and its inconceivable highs and lows required all the obtainable support to keep me standing” NICU mum.

It is common for parents to feel a range of emotions and each will handle the crisis in their own unique way. At different times you may experience;

  • fear
  • love
  • guilt
  • elation
  • anxiety
  • joy
  • isolation
  • pride
  • sadness
  • anger
  • confusion
  • numbness
  • disappointment

Be assured that these feelings are all natural responses to what is a very emotional and stressful time in your life. It is normal to grieve the loss of your dream of a normal pregnancy and all the experiences you were anticipating.

The NICU is a very foreign and highly technical environment. Make use of the support available form the doctors, nurses and social workers to help familiarise yourself wth the machines, terminology and procedures so that you feel part of the team caring for your baby.

A common concern with some parents is they may feel distant from their child at times and worried that they may not be able to bond with their baby. Feeling distant is quite normal however, your presence is vital to your child. Your unique smell, the sound of your voice and your touch are all comforting to your baby and ease the stress of their time in the NICU.

As the weeks progress the NICU will become more familiar, your baby’s condition will begin to improve and you will have more opportunities to feel closer to your baby. Time together having a kangaroo cuddle, bathing or establishing feeding are all ways which allow you to parent your baby and establish a bond that continues to blossom.

It is important to remember to take good care of yourself, all your energy can go into worrying and caring for your new baby and you need to be physically and emotionally able to care for them. Try to;

  • Eat and drink regularly and healthily
  • Accept the help of family and friends
  • Exercise when medically approved is a great way to alleviate stress
  • Keep a journal of your NICU journey, right down daily events of your thoughts and feelings
  • Most hospitals have a support group and it’s a great way to meet others who are experiencing the same journey
  • Meet with a NICU social worker, counsellor or your spiritual advisor

Experiencing the birth of a premature or sick newborn can increase your risk of depression and anxiety. Recent studies have found having a critically ill baby endure a long stay in a NICU may lead to parents developing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

If at any time you feel overwhelmed or not coping well it is important to seek help. You can:

  • Tell someone how you are feeling e.g. a counsellor, partner, friend
  • Ask them to stay with you until you get help. Being with someone, even over the phone increases your safety.
  • Contact a medical professional and tell them it is an emergency:
    • Call your local hospital and ask to speak to the Mental Health Team
    • Go to your GP or hospital emergency department. Wait there until you see a doctor
    • Call 000. The police or ambulance may be able to take you to hospital
    • Call a crisis Helpline – see the front of White Pages.