It can sometimes feel a bit strange at first, sitting beside your baby in the hospital. Some dads aren’t sure what to do or say and that’s completely normal. One lovely way to connect is by reading children’s books or stories. Your baby can hear your voice and it helps you both get used to talking and bonding.

You have an important role in your baby’s care. You are not a visitor in the neonatal unit. You are an important part of your baby’s team. You can help feed, change nappies, comfort your baby and take part in care routines. 

You also have a voice in your baby’s care plan. If something doesn’t feel right, speak up. Ask questions, meet with the doctors, and make sure you understand your baby’s treatment and progress. This approach is called  Family Integrated Care (or FICare), which means parents and caregivers work together with the medical team to give the best possible care for your baby. 

It’s natural to feel many emotions – both good and not so good – throughout this journey. Emotions such as fear, stress, sadness, guilt, anger, hope, and optimism are completely normal. It’s okay to feel them, because it means you care. Discussing these with your partner, staff, other dads, or someone you trust can help you to not only understand your emotions but may also help others who might be experiencing similar feelings but carrying them alone.  

Ask questions about your baby’s condition, what the machines are doing, what care is planned, what you can do. Understanding helps reduce fear. You can ask the nurses to show you how to do care tasks safely. The more you know, the more confident you’ll become.

Here are some ideas to help you feel more in charge of your role, more connected, and more supported during this challenging time: 

• Speak up for what you want. 
  If you want to hold your baby, be in on care tasks, visit more, or understand more—tell the staff.

  Ask questions about your baby’s condition, what the machines are doing, what care is planned, what you can do?

• Set small goals. 
  Maybe today you hold your baby skin to skin, or you change a nappy. Maybe you talk to the doctors or nurses about one thing you didn’t understand. Small steps build trust and confidence. Don’t jump ahead, it’s hard to see so far ahead when you are down in the trenches. The little wins are important.  

• Take care of your wellbeing. 
  You cannot pour from an empty cup. Sleep when you can. Eat. Take short breaks out of the Neonatal unit even if it’s just to breathe fresh air, stretch. Reach out to someone to talk—partner, friend, peer group, counsellor. Try and take time for you and your partner once a week, don’t feel guilty about it. Your baby is getting the care they need. 

• Connect with other dads. 
  Hearing what others have gone through can help you feel less alone. Other dads and parents can share tips, ideas, comforting stories. Support groups, online or in person, can be strong allies. 

• Recognise your impact. 
  Even when things are hard, your voice, presence, touch all matter. You are contributing to your baby’s health, comfort, and development. Remind yourself of that. Celebrate what you can do.