Scarlett, 35 weeks

Miracle mum Natalie shares Scarlett's story:

For as long as I can remember I wanted to be a Mum. But life’s challenges meant this wouldn’t be as easy as I’d hoped for. A catastrophic car accident and an endometriosis diagnosis made me fear my dream would never eventuate. However, that changed when I feel pregnant with my daughter Scarlett. Despite my previous medical challenges I had a relative normal pregnancy. However throughout my entire pregnancy I was plagued by fear, a fear I would loose the child I wanted so badly. The stress this created is what was suggested to be the cause of me going into spontaneous labour at 35 weeks pregnant. My waters broke 11:30pm New Years Eve and we rushed to hospital where it was confirmed I was in labour. Due to my car accident I required a c-section. However, what we didn’t know was due to the position of the metal rod inserted to stabilise my spine, I was unable to be awake for the procedure. I was terrified. Not only was I going into labour early but our birth plan was completely changed. I went into surgery whilst my husband waited outside, waiting for the confirmation he was alright to come in. But that call never came. Instead the sound of a loud bell echoed down the hall. My husband mistakenly thought this was the bell to announce the birth of a child. But instead it was to signal our daughter wasn’t breathing and that we were in an emergency situation. When I woke from the procedure I was unaware of the events that had unfolded. This was until a nurse told me our daughter was being prepped for transport to a specialist hospital due to her breathing difficulties. I begged to see her before she left and I got 5 minutes. Only 5 minutes… after how long I had waited for this child… and then she was gone. Due to my condition I was unable to go with her. However, my husband followed the ambulance to the specialist hospital so she wouldn’t be alone. There she received the very best care for the first three days of her life. Three days where I didn’t see her. I missed out on a lot of firsts. Her first skin to skin, cuddle and even hiccup. Although I was grateful my husband was there with her I was in agony that I was not. Being in a maternity ward without your child is a form of torture I would not wish on my worst enemy. Those first 3 days. I didn’t eat. I didn’t sleep. Although logically I knew my daughter was alive and safe. My heart grieved as though she had died in childbirth. One moment she was with me, as close as another human being could be to another and then she was gone. Day 3 I broke down. I was desperate for my baby. I begged for help, someone to talk to anything. Instead I was given a sleeping tablet and told to rest. I woke the next morning to be told she was returning. And although she was returning she would still have to be in the NICU for several days because while her breathing issues had resolved she had severe jaundice and required light therapy. The day I saw her again was one of the best days of my life. I was able to hold her and I promised we would never be separated for that long again. We stayed a total of 7 days in NICU before we were discharged to go home.

Although our NICU journey was short-lived, it had a profound impact on our lives. Whilst Scarlett was thriving and meeting milestones, I was struggling in silence with debilitating separation anxiety and guilt. In many ways I felt my experience was less valid because Scarlett wasn’t ’that premature.’ Deep down I felt like I didn’t had the right to attend a group for premature and sick babies. However, after my first nurture group session, this all changed. I finally felt validated and understood, surrounded by people who had been through similar experiences and struggles. It was through nurture group I made my best friends and my daughter hers. These friends have now become family and I can’t imagine my life without them.

Since then I have become a proud volunteer and advocate for the miracle babies foundation in hopes I can help other families just as much as the foundation has helped mine. I have a special interest in supporting Mums of late premature babies as many of these mums delay accessing support, which can lead to their mental health worsening and spiralling overtime.